encyclopedia of sardar/sardarji

Subject: The complete Sardarji Encyclopaedia..it took me years

> > > Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
> > > "Sure."
> > > "Give me a green one, please."
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > > Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to
> > > fly to Amritsar?"
> > > Just a sec," says the rep...
> > > Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up...
> > >
> > > EMPLOYMENT....
> > > Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He
> > > promptly
> > > filled the columns titled
> > > NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc...
> > > Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was
> > > not sure as to
> > > what
> > > to be filled there...
> > > After much thought he wrote : Yes
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > CROCODILE BOOTS....
> > > Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you
> > > bring me a pair of
> > > crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and
> > > disappears. Finally a
> > > search
> > > is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and
> > > watch him killing
> > > a
> > > huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs
> > > and angrily
> > > exclaims
> > > "71st and *again* barefeet!"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object...
> > > He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
> > > The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask."
> > > The sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk
> > > responds, "It
> > > keeps
> > > hot
> > > things hot and it keeps cold things cold."
> > > The sardar says, "I'll take it!"
> > > The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos...
> > > His sardar boss sees him and asks,
> > > "What is that shiny object with you?"
> > > He said, "It's a thermos flask."
> > > The boss then says,
> > > "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things
> > > hot and cold
> > > things
> > > cold."
> > > The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
> > > The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it
> > > home somewhere
> > > in
> > > Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because
> > > he was getting
> > > complaints like
> > > "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > > What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
> > > He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional
> > > white sheet of
> > > paper ?
> > > (he already has one and he wants one more..)
> > > He takes a photcopy of the white paper !!!
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom
> > > fighters. They were
> > > planning for free Punjab...
> > > Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab
> > > from India but how
> > > would
> > > we develop it?"
> > > That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta
> > > Singh replied,
> > > "No
> > > problem! we'll
> > > attack USA, it would take over us and then we would
> > > be a state of USA
> > > and
> > > we'll automatically
> > > get developed." All the surds became happy on this
> > > very simple
> > > solution
> > > but an old surd did
> > > not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he
> > > wasn't happy. The
> > > surd
> > > replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
> > > IF BY CHANCE WE
> > > TAKE
> > > OVER USA ?????"
> > >
> > > =============================================
> > >
> > > Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain...
> > > "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman...
> > > "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied...
> > > He hurried home removed his turban and changed his
> > > hair style, and returned to tell the salesman
> > > "I would like to buy this TV."
> > > "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied...
> > > "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a
> > > complete disguise
> > > this
> > > time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big
> > > sunglasses, then
> > > waited
> > > a few days before he again approached the salesman...
> > > "I would like to
> > > buy
> > > this TV."
> > > "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied...
> > > Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
> > > "Because that's a microwave," he replied...
> > >
> > > * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
> > > Because below 18 was not allowed...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
> > > Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
> > > Pull the pin and throw it back...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
> > > Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
> > > Tell him a joke on Wednesday...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands
> > > tightly over his
> > > ears?
> > > Trying to hold on to a thought...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
> > > So you don't have to re-train them on Monday...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
> > > They always forget the recipe...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
> > > He threw it off a cliff...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
> > > A wind tunnel...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
> > > The back of his head...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
> > > Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!)...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
> > > Just-one Singh...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
> > > They think their picture is being taken...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
> > > Toes Go In First...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
> > > It has a stamp on it...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why can't Sardar dial 911?
> > > They can not find the eleven on the phone
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > How do you get Sardar on the roof?
> > > Tell him the drinks are on the house...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > "Oh, look at the dead bird."
> > > Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
> > > You always hear about them but you never see them...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as
> > > opposed to a
> > > regular
> > > one?
> > > You have to hollow out the head...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > TO LOSE WEIGHT....
> > > The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight
> > > kilometers a day for
> > > 300
> > > days, he would loose 34
> > > kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the
> > > doctor to report
> > > he
> > > had
> > > lost the weight, but he had a problem...
> > > "What's the problem?"asked the doctor...
> > > "I'm 2400 kms from home."
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > >
> > > TRAIN TO LUDHIANA....
> > > Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station...
> > > Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to
> > > Ludhiana?"
> > > "No," answers the Railway man...
> > > "Can I?" asks Gani Singh...
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the
> > > Dinosaurs start
> > > approaching he is cowering in his seat when his
> > > friend asks him "kyon
> > > sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema
> > > hi to hai"
> > > Sardarji
> > > replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema
> > > hai lekin voh
> > > to
> > > janwar hai, usko kya pata "
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway
> > > tracks and he
> > > takes
> > > along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops
> > > him and asks
> > > "kyon
> > > bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies
> > > "Saali train late
> > > aati
> > > hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > > Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt
> > > sleepy so he gave
> > > the
> > > guy sitting opposite him on
> > > the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station
> > > arrived. This guy
> > > was
> > > a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the
> > > sardarji deserved more
> > > service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the
> > > barber quietly shaved
> > > off
> > > his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was
> > > woken up, and
> > > he
> > > went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face,
> > > and suddenly
> > > screamed
> > > when he saw the mirror...
> > > Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The
> > > cheat on the
> > > train
> > > has
> > > taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his
> > > knees and started
> > > thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your
> > > donkey is missing;
> > > what
> > > are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I
> > > am thanking Him
> > > for
> > > seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that
> > > time, otherwise
> > > I
> > > would have
> > > been missing too."
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the
> > > birth certificate
> > > "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come
> > > you write
> > > "Chinese"
> > > when both parents are Sikh?" " Aah, Sardarji read a
> > > newspaper, it
> > > says
> > > that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to
> > > the outer space
> > > ...
> > > The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (
> > > its the barking
> > > sound
> > > )
> > > "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
> > > "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
> > > "Sardarji!" "Woof."
> > > "Stop
> > > barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which
> > > has a Clock
> > > Tower
> > > when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on
> > > the Tower...
> > > Sardarji
> > > says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go
> > > get a ladder." The
> > > man
> > > took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for
> > > several hours
> > > the
> > > Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next
> > > day the Sardarji
> > > is again
> > > walking along the same
> > > street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a
> > > thousand
> > > rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives
> > > him the thousand
> > > and
> > > says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go
> > > get a ladder."
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
> > > Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They
> > > managed to get
> > > into
> > > a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to
> > > get a bottom
> > > seat,
> > > But
> > > unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a
> > > while when the rush
> > > was
> > > over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He
> > > met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in
> > > front with both
> > > hands,
> > > scared to death...
> > > He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin'
> > > on? Why are you so
> > > scared ? I
> > > was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta
> > > replies. "Yeah, but
> > > you've
> > > got
> > > a *driver.*"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The
> > > doctor asked
> > > him
> > > what had happened to his ears and he answered, " Iwas
> > > ironing a shirt
> > > and
> > > the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone
> > > I accidentally
> > > picked
> > > up the iron and stuck it to my ear." " Oh Dear! " the doctor
> > > exclaimed
> > > in
> > > disbelief. "But ..what happened to your other ear?"
> > > "The scoundrel
> > > called
> > > back."
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > ----- End of Sardarji's Encyplopaedia -----