Heaven and Hen

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and
falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed
in
a white robe standing in front of his bed.


"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he
asked.


"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you
are in heaven."


"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young,"
said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."


"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or
a hen. The choice is your own."


Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is
too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running
around with a rooster can't be that bad.


"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.


And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really
nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow.
Then along came the rooster.


"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How
do you like being a hen?"


"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to explode."


"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You
need to lay an egg."


"How do I do that?" Tom asked.


"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."


Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then
'plop' an egg was on the ground.


"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and
squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the
ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:


"Tom!! For cryin' out loud! Wake up! You're shittin' all over the
bed!"