Cover Letters:

# "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

# "Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume."

# "I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt."

# "Please disregard the attached resume -- it is terribly out of date."

# "It's best for employers that I not work with people."

# "Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity."

# "If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope."

# "My fortune cookie said, 'Your next interview will result in a job' -- and I like your company in particular."

# "You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding candidate!"

# "I am sicking and entry-level position."

# "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

# "I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated."

# "I am relatively intelligent, obedient, and as loyal as a puppy."

# "Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all the others to heat your house."

# "I don't usually blow my own horn, but in this case, I will go right ahead and do so."

# "I need just enough money to have pizza every night."

# "My compensation should be at least equal to my age."

# "I'm submitting my resume to spite my lack of C++ and HTML experience."

# "My primary goal is to be recognized."

# "Below are the top 10 reasons to hire me."

# "My salary requirement is $34 per year."

# "I'll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan."

# "I am superior to anyone else you could hire."

# "I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I live."

# "Although I am seeking an accounting job, the fact that I have no actual experience in accounting may seem discouraging. However..."

# "I realize that my total lack of appropriate experience may concern those considering me for employment."

# "I worked here full-time there."

# "I'll starve without a job but don't feel you have to give me one."

# "You are privileged to receive my resume."
via[rw]