How would you like your vista?

Tech support

Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers.

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."

Customer: "Excuse me can I use this disk? It has a hole in it.

Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?"
Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

Customer: "Now what do I do?"
Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'"
Tech Support: "Ok, so type in your last name."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
p

Joke

Computerized Plane

The world`s first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew.
The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats. The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway.
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen," a computer voice intoned.

"Welcome to the debut of the world`s first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong...nothing can go wrong...nothing can go wrong...."

Engineer Jokes

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car.

The car broke down.

The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke. We can check the rods."

The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas. We shall check the gas tank."


The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system. We shall check the circuitry."

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"

The Computer Engineer said, " We shall get out of the car and get in again ."

Oldest Profession : Consultant


A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"

Politician,Thief And A Programmer

One politician, One thief & One Programmer died & went straight to
hell.Politician said "I miss my country.I want to call my country and
see how everybody is doing there." She called and talked for about 5
minutes,then she asked "Well,devil how much do Ineed to pay for the
call????

The devil says "Five million dollars".The Politician wrote him a cheque
and went to sit back on her chair.

Thief was so jealous, he starts screaming, "My
turn! I wanna call the my group members, I want to see how everybody is
doing there too".He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then
he asked "Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says "Ten million dollars".With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque
and went to sit back on his chair.

Programmer was even more jealous & starts
screaming, "I want to call my IT friends too",He called other IT person and he talked for
twenty hours about various technologies and Project Managers, he
talked & talked & talked, then he asked "Well, devil how much do I need to
pay for the call????

The devil says "Twenty dollars".Programmer is stunned & says "Twenty dollars???
Only ??"


Devil says "Calling hell to hell is local"
p

Computerized Plane

The world`s first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew.
The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats. The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway.
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen," a computer voice intoned.

"Welcome to the debut of the world`s first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong...nothing can go wrong...nothing can go wrong...."

Engineer Jokes

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car.

The car broke down.

The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke. We can check the rods."

The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas. We shall check the gas tank."


The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system. We shall check the circuitry."

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"

The Computer Engineer said, " We shall get out of the car and get in again ."

Oldest Profession : Consultant


A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"

Politician,Thief And A Programmer

One politician, One thief & One Programmer died & went straight to
hell.Politician said "I miss my country.I want to call my country and
see how everybody is doing there." She called and talked for about 5
minutes,then she asked "Well,devil how much do Ineed to pay for the
call????

The devil says "Five million dollars".The Politician wrote him a cheque
and went to sit back on her chair.

Thief was so jealous, he starts screaming, "My
turn! I wanna call the my group members, I want to see how everybody is
doing there too".He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then
he asked "Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says "Ten million dollars".With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque
and went to sit back on his chair.

Programmer was even more jealous & starts
screaming, "I want to call my IT friends too",He called other IT person and he talked for
twenty hours about various technologies and Project Managers, he
talked & talked & talked, then he asked "Well, devil how much do I need to
pay for the call????

The devil says "Twenty dollars".Programmer is stunned & says "Twenty dollars???
Only ??"


Devil says "Calling hell to hell is local"
p

Beggars On Wall Street

There are three beggars begging on Wall Street. The first beggar wrote 'Beggar' on his broken cup. He received $10.00 after one day.
The next day, the second beggar wrote 'Beggar.com' on his cup. After one day, he received hundreds of thousands of dollars and an offer to float an IPO on NASDAQ.
The following day, the third beggar wrote 'e-Beg' on his cup. Microsoft, IBM, and HP sent corporate vice-presidents to talk to him about strategic alliances and offered him free hardware consultancy. In addition, it was reported on CNBC that e-Beg uses 95% Oracle technology and that I2 announced the launch of BegTradeMatrix; a b2b industry portal offering supply chain integration in the beggar community.
p

Hardware And Software

Boy:Can i see ur software?
Girl:no, first let me see ur hardware.
Boy:come sit on my joystick.
girl:no, my disk is not protected. it may get ur virus.
p

My Keyboard is Not Working

True Story. I work at a bank and one day we received a call from one of our branches that was having problems with the keyboard at one of their drive-up stations.

I ask the teller what was wrong and she replied, "Our keyboard will not work, they keys are stuck!"

I asked several questions and it turns out that some water had gotten into the keyboard. It was raining and water had come through the air tunnels, where people sent their transactions in, and got into the keyboard.

It turns out that a branch person took the innitiative to fix the problem by using her hair blower to dry-off the water and in the process she melted several of her keys.

Microsoft

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said :

"YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to the airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
c

Resignation From IT Administrator

Check out this letter of resignation from an IT administrator (An actual letter sent by a fed up U.S. employee)


Mr Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very
basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the
commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a
waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I
know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to
myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the
concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as
binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why
people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I
am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is.

Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk
around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others.

You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for

your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it
off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring

ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green
algae that everyone else eats and laughs at.

Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full
frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I
have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal
to give
me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not
to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of
years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on

your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I
know every
password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute,
I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved

when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like
"Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your
mothers
"b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of
yourself in the mirror nu*de. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd
acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and
kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct
your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my

desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your
little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.

Never f*** with your systems administrators, because they know what you do
with all your free time.
p

Computer Viruses

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:
Your 1.3gb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80mb and then slowly expands back to 1.3gb.
AT&T VIRUS:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI VIRUS:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back...
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS:
Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.
TERRY RANDLE VIRUS:
Prints "oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort".
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS:
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
EMELDA MARCOS VIRUS:
Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS:
It starts by boldly stating "Read my docs...No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus.
DENVER BRONCOS VIRUS:
Makes your P133 machine perform like a 286/AT
L.A.P.D. VIRUS:
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense".
[j]

Floppy Drive Not found

I work as a technical support representative for a reputed computer manufacturer. I had this customer call me up, and when he heard me all he said was "your computer s***ks,it is the worst computer that i ever had". I asked him what the problem was and he said "I put the floppy into my floppy drive on my notebook and when i go into my computer folder i cannot find the floppy drive listed there". I was quite confused. I tried all possible troubleshooting steps. For some reasons I couldnt find the model specifications. I searched for the model in google and found the specifications. It turned out that the notebook never had a floppy drive. I asked him "Where exactly are you putting the floppy in? " He said "I see this two slots to the left of the notebook and I had a tough ime putting it in and to add to the difficulties i cannot remove it because it doesnt have an eject button" I told him " You know something? You have put it in the PCI Card slot!!" Then I heard nothing from the customer for 5 minutes and then he said "How do I remove it now?"

can't print yellow

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; they offered no new ideas.

After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow construction paper?"
via[c]

Technical Jokes

# Compaq is considering changing the command 'Press any key' to 'Press Enter key' because of the flood of calls asking where is the 'Any' key.

# AST technical support had a called complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packed in !

# Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. The customer had stuck labels on the diskettes. then rolled them into his typewriter to type on the labels.

# Another customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later. a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.

# A Dell technician advised a customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, put the receiver next to the phone, crossed his room and closed the door to his room.

# Another Del customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting. the tech discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the 'Send' key.

# Yet another Dell customer called to complain tat his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaked the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

# A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was engraged because his computer had told him he was 'bad and invalid'. The tech explained that the computer's 'bad' command and 'invalid' resoponses shouldn't be taken personally.

# An exasperated caller to Dell computer Tech support couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on" this foot pedal and nothing happened". The 'foot pedal' turned out to be the computer's mouse.

# A confused caller to IBM told the technician that the computer had said it 'couldn't find printer'. The user had tried turning the computer screen to face the printer, but that his computer 'still' couldn't 'see' the printer.

# Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. she said, she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes, waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked 'what power switch ? '

# True story from a Novel Netware SysOp:

caller: "Hello, Is this tech support ? "
Tech: "Yes, It is. How may I help you ?"
caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am withing my
warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed ?"
Tech: "Did you say a Cup holder ? "
caller: "Yes ! it is attached to the front of my computer"
Tech: "Please excuse me If I seem a bit stumped, It's because
I am. Did you received this as part of a promotional,
at a trade show ?"
caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a
promotional, It just has 4X on it."

At this point the tech rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it He was laughing too high. The caller had been Using the load drawer of CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.

# Another IBM customer had troubles in installing software and rang for support, "I put in the first disk and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk and I had. Some problems with that disk when It said put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realised that "Insert disk 2" meant to remove disk 1 first.
via[dj]

how to know a sardar

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:
* puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants tomakeup his mind.
* gets stabbed in a shoot-out.* sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
*tries to drown a fish in waters.*thinks socialism means partying.
*trips over a cordless phone.* takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
* At the bottom of the application where it says "SignHere" he puts
"Sagittarius."* studies for a blood test and fails.
* sells the car for gas money.
* misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
* drives to the airport and sees a sign that said,"Airport left", he
turns around and goes home.* gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the
floor.>>* * * * * *>>Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
>>Sardar: "No, who wrote it?">>>>* * * * * *
>>Sardar ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six>>or
>>twelve pieces.>>"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.">>>>* * * * * *
>>Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?>>Because below 18 was not allowed.>>
>>* * * * * *>>How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
>>Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear>>>>* * * * * *
>>What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
>>Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in hismouth.>>>>* * * * * *
>>How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?>>Tell him a joke on Wednesday.>>
>>* * * * * *>>What is the Sardar doing when he holds his handstightly
over his ears?>>Trying to hold on to a thought.>>>>* * * * * *
>>Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
>>So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.>>>>* * * * * *
>>Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?>>They always forget the recipe.>>
>>* * * * * *>>How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
>>He threw it off a cliff.>>>>* * * * * *
>>What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?>>A wind tunnel.>>>> * * * * *
>>What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?>>The back of his head.>>
>>* * * * * *>>What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenadeat you?
>>Pull the pin and throw it back.>>>>* * * * * *
>>What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
>>Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).>>>>* * * * * *
>>What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?>>Just-one Singh.>>
>>* * * * * *>>Why does Sardar always smile during lightningstorms?
>>They think their picture is being taken.>>>>* * * * * *
>>Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?>>Toes Go In First.>>
>>* * * * * *>>How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
>>It has a stamp on it.>>>>* * * * * *>>Why can't Sardar dial 911?
>>They can not find the eleven on the phone>>>>* * * * * *
>>How do you get Sardar on the roof?>>Tell him the drinks are on the house.>>
>>* * * * * *>>"Oh, look at the dead bird."
>>Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?>>>>* * * * * *
>>What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
>>You always hear about them but you never see them.>>>>* * * * * *
>>Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman asopposed to a
>>regular one?>>you have to hollow out the head.>>>>
Whats the difference between Clinton and a screwdriver?
A screw driver turns in screws and Clinton screwsinterns.Hi!!!
> >>>An insect fell into a mug of beer> >>>
> >>>Englishman : Throws his mug away andwalks out> >>>
> >>>American : Takes the insect out anddrinks the beer> >>>
> >>>Chinese : Eats the insect andthrows the beer away> >>>
> >>>Indian : Sells the beer to theAmerican and insectto > >>the
> >>> Chinese and gets a newmug of beer.> >>>
> >>>Pakistani : Accuses the Indian forthrowing insect into his
> >>> beer: relates the issueto Kashmir. Asksthe
> >>> Chinese for military aidand takes a loan > from
> >>> the American to buy onemore mug of beer. > The
> >>> Englishman's job is tosecond theAmerican.> >>>
>> A Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down
> >> from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar tomeet his friend. He
> >> reached there in a few hours.
> >> After spending a few days there, he decided to return, andcalled up
> >> his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didnt reach inthe
> >> evening, and not the next day either.
> >> When he finally reached home on the third day,his distraut > >> mother
> >> ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya ?" Thesardarji gotout,
> >> obviously very tired from a long journey,and said, " Oy, yeMrutti
> >> wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gearbanaate hain,aur
> >> pichche jaane waaste sirf ek ?"

encyclopedia of sardar/sardarji

Subject: The complete Sardarji Encyclopaedia..it took me years

> > > Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
> > > "Sure."
> > > "Give me a green one, please."
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > > Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to
> > > fly to Amritsar?"
> > > Just a sec," says the rep...
> > > Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up...
> > >
> > > EMPLOYMENT....
> > > Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He
> > > promptly
> > > filled the columns titled
> > > NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc...
> > > Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was
> > > not sure as to
> > > what
> > > to be filled there...
> > > After much thought he wrote : Yes
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > CROCODILE BOOTS....
> > > Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you
> > > bring me a pair of
> > > crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and
> > > disappears. Finally a
> > > search
> > > is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and
> > > watch him killing
> > > a
> > > huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs
> > > and angrily
> > > exclaims
> > > "71st and *again* barefeet!"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object...
> > > He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
> > > The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask."
> > > The sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk
> > > responds, "It
> > > keeps
> > > hot
> > > things hot and it keeps cold things cold."
> > > The sardar says, "I'll take it!"
> > > The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos...
> > > His sardar boss sees him and asks,
> > > "What is that shiny object with you?"
> > > He said, "It's a thermos flask."
> > > The boss then says,
> > > "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things
> > > hot and cold
> > > things
> > > cold."
> > > The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
> > > The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it
> > > home somewhere
> > > in
> > > Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because
> > > he was getting
> > > complaints like
> > > "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > > What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
> > > He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional
> > > white sheet of
> > > paper ?
> > > (he already has one and he wants one more..)
> > > He takes a photcopy of the white paper !!!
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom
> > > fighters. They were
> > > planning for free Punjab...
> > > Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab
> > > from India but how
> > > would
> > > we develop it?"
> > > That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta
> > > Singh replied,
> > > "No
> > > problem! we'll
> > > attack USA, it would take over us and then we would
> > > be a state of USA
> > > and
> > > we'll automatically
> > > get developed." All the surds became happy on this
> > > very simple
> > > solution
> > > but an old surd did
> > > not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he
> > > wasn't happy. The
> > > surd
> > > replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
> > > IF BY CHANCE WE
> > > TAKE
> > > OVER USA ?????"
> > >
> > > =============================================
> > >
> > > Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain...
> > > "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman...
> > > "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied...
> > > He hurried home removed his turban and changed his
> > > hair style, and returned to tell the salesman
> > > "I would like to buy this TV."
> > > "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied...
> > > "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a
> > > complete disguise
> > > this
> > > time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big
> > > sunglasses, then
> > > waited
> > > a few days before he again approached the salesman...
> > > "I would like to
> > > buy
> > > this TV."
> > > "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied...
> > > Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
> > > "Because that's a microwave," he replied...
> > >
> > > * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
> > > Because below 18 was not allowed...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
> > > Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
> > > Pull the pin and throw it back...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
> > > Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
> > > Tell him a joke on Wednesday...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands
> > > tightly over his
> > > ears?
> > > Trying to hold on to a thought...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
> > > So you don't have to re-train them on Monday...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
> > > They always forget the recipe...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
> > > He threw it off a cliff...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
> > > A wind tunnel...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
> > > The back of his head...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
> > > Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!)...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
> > > Just-one Singh...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
> > > They think their picture is being taken...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
> > > Toes Go In First...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
> > > It has a stamp on it...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why can't Sardar dial 911?
> > > They can not find the eleven on the phone
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > How do you get Sardar on the roof?
> > > Tell him the drinks are on the house...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > "Oh, look at the dead bird."
> > > Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
> > > You always hear about them but you never see them...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as
> > > opposed to a
> > > regular
> > > one?
> > > You have to hollow out the head...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > TO LOSE WEIGHT....
> > > The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight
> > > kilometers a day for
> > > 300
> > > days, he would loose 34
> > > kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the
> > > doctor to report
> > > he
> > > had
> > > lost the weight, but he had a problem...
> > > "What's the problem?"asked the doctor...
> > > "I'm 2400 kms from home."
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > >
> > > TRAIN TO LUDHIANA....
> > > Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station...
> > > Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to
> > > Ludhiana?"
> > > "No," answers the Railway man...
> > > "Can I?" asks Gani Singh...
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the
> > > Dinosaurs start
> > > approaching he is cowering in his seat when his
> > > friend asks him "kyon
> > > sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema
> > > hi to hai"
> > > Sardarji
> > > replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema
> > > hai lekin voh
> > > to
> > > janwar hai, usko kya pata "
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway
> > > tracks and he
> > > takes
> > > along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops
> > > him and asks
> > > "kyon
> > > bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies
> > > "Saali train late
> > > aati
> > > hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > > Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt
> > > sleepy so he gave
> > > the
> > > guy sitting opposite him on
> > > the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station
> > > arrived. This guy
> > > was
> > > a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the
> > > sardarji deserved more
> > > service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the
> > > barber quietly shaved
> > > off
> > > his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was
> > > woken up, and
> > > he
> > > went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face,
> > > and suddenly
> > > screamed
> > > when he saw the mirror...
> > > Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The
> > > cheat on the
> > > train
> > > has
> > > taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his
> > > knees and started
> > > thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your
> > > donkey is missing;
> > > what
> > > are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I
> > > am thanking Him
> > > for
> > > seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that
> > > time, otherwise
> > > I
> > > would have
> > > been missing too."
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the
> > > birth certificate
> > > "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come
> > > you write
> > > "Chinese"
> > > when both parents are Sikh?" " Aah, Sardarji read a
> > > newspaper, it
> > > says
> > > that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to
> > > the outer space
> > > ...
> > > The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (
> > > its the barking
> > > sound
> > > )
> > > "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
> > > "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
> > > "Sardarji!" "Woof."
> > > "Stop
> > > barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which
> > > has a Clock
> > > Tower
> > > when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on
> > > the Tower...
> > > Sardarji
> > > says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go
> > > get a ladder." The
> > > man
> > > took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for
> > > several hours
> > > the
> > > Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next
> > > day the Sardarji
> > > is again
> > > walking along the same
> > > street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a
> > > thousand
> > > rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives
> > > him the thousand
> > > and
> > > says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go
> > > get a ladder."
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
> > > Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They
> > > managed to get
> > > into
> > > a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to
> > > get a bottom
> > > seat,
> > > But
> > > unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a
> > > while when the rush
> > > was
> > > over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He
> > > met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in
> > > front with both
> > > hands,
> > > scared to death...
> > > He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin'
> > > on? Why are you so
> > > scared ? I
> > > was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta
> > > replies. "Yeah, but
> > > you've
> > > got
> > > a *driver.*"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The
> > > doctor asked
> > > him
> > > what had happened to his ears and he answered, " Iwas
> > > ironing a shirt
> > > and
> > > the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone
> > > I accidentally
> > > picked
> > > up the iron and stuck it to my ear." " Oh Dear! " the doctor
> > > exclaimed
> > > in
> > > disbelief. "But ..what happened to your other ear?"
> > > "The scoundrel
> > > called
> > > back."
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > ----- End of Sardarji's Encyplopaedia -----

encyclopedia of sardar/sardarji

Subject: The complete Sardarji Encyclopaedia..it took me years

> > > Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
> > > "Sure."
> > > "Give me a green one, please."
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > > Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to
> > > fly to Amritsar?"
> > > Just a sec," says the rep...
> > > Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up...
> > >
> > > EMPLOYMENT....
> > > Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He
> > > promptly
> > > filled the columns titled
> > > NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc...
> > > Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was
> > > not sure as to
> > > what
> > > to be filled there...
> > > After much thought he wrote : Yes
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > CROCODILE BOOTS....
> > > Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you
> > > bring me a pair of
> > > crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and
> > > disappears. Finally a
> > > search
> > > is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and
> > > watch him killing
> > > a
> > > huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs
> > > and angrily
> > > exclaims
> > > "71st and *again* barefeet!"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object...
> > > He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
> > > The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask."
> > > The sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk
> > > responds, "It
> > > keeps
> > > hot
> > > things hot and it keeps cold things cold."
> > > The sardar says, "I'll take it!"
> > > The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos...
> > > His sardar boss sees him and asks,
> > > "What is that shiny object with you?"
> > > He said, "It's a thermos flask."
> > > The boss then says,
> > > "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things
> > > hot and cold
> > > things
> > > cold."
> > > The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
> > > The sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it
> > > home somewhere
> > > in
> > > Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because
> > > he was getting
> > > complaints like
> > > "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > > What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
> > > He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional
> > > white sheet of
> > > paper ?
> > > (he already has one and he wants one more..)
> > > He takes a photcopy of the white paper !!!
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom
> > > fighters. They were
> > > planning for free Punjab...
> > > Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab
> > > from India but how
> > > would
> > > we develop it?"
> > > That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta
> > > Singh replied,
> > > "No
> > > problem! we'll
> > > attack USA, it would take over us and then we would
> > > be a state of USA
> > > and
> > > we'll automatically
> > > get developed." All the surds became happy on this
> > > very simple
> > > solution
> > > but an old surd did
> > > not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he
> > > wasn't happy. The
> > > surd
> > > replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
> > > IF BY CHANCE WE
> > > TAKE
> > > OVER USA ?????"
> > >
> > > =============================================
> > >
> > > Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain...
> > > "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman...
> > > "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied...
> > > He hurried home removed his turban and changed his
> > > hair style, and returned to tell the salesman
> > > "I would like to buy this TV."
> > > "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied...
> > > "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a
> > > complete disguise
> > > this
> > > time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big
> > > sunglasses, then
> > > waited
> > > a few days before he again approached the salesman...
> > > "I would like to
> > > buy
> > > this TV."
> > > "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied...
> > > Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
> > > "Because that's a microwave," he replied...
> > >
> > > * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
> > > Because below 18 was not allowed...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
> > > Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
> > > Pull the pin and throw it back...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
> > > Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
> > > Tell him a joke on Wednesday...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands
> > > tightly over his
> > > ears?
> > > Trying to hold on to a thought...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
> > > So you don't have to re-train them on Monday...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
> > > They always forget the recipe...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
> > > He threw it off a cliff...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
> > > A wind tunnel...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
> > > The back of his head...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
> > > Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!)...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
> > > Just-one Singh...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
> > > They think their picture is being taken...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
> > > Toes Go In First...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
> > > It has a stamp on it...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why can't Sardar dial 911?
> > > They can not find the eleven on the phone
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > How do you get Sardar on the roof?
> > > Tell him the drinks are on the house...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > "Oh, look at the dead bird."
> > > Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
> > > You always hear about them but you never see them...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as
> > > opposed to a
> > > regular
> > > one?
> > > You have to hollow out the head...
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > TO LOSE WEIGHT....
> > > The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight
> > > kilometers a day for
> > > 300
> > > days, he would loose 34
> > > kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the
> > > doctor to report
> > > he
> > > had
> > > lost the weight, but he had a problem...
> > > "What's the problem?"asked the doctor...
> > > "I'm 2400 kms from home."
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > >
> > > TRAIN TO LUDHIANA....
> > > Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station...
> > > Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to
> > > Ludhiana?"
> > > "No," answers the Railway man...
> > > "Can I?" asks Gani Singh...
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the
> > > Dinosaurs start
> > > approaching he is cowering in his seat when his
> > > friend asks him "kyon
> > > sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema
> > > hi to hai"
> > > Sardarji
> > > replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema
> > > hai lekin voh
> > > to
> > > janwar hai, usko kya pata "
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway
> > > tracks and he
> > > takes
> > > along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops
> > > him and asks
> > > "kyon
> > > bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies
> > > "Saali train late
> > > aati
> > > hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > > Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt
> > > sleepy so he gave
> > > the
> > > guy sitting opposite him on
> > > the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station
> > > arrived. This guy
> > > was
> > > a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the
> > > sardarji deserved more
> > > service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the
> > > barber quietly shaved
> > > off
> > > his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was
> > > woken up, and
> > > he
> > > went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face,
> > > and suddenly
> > > screamed
> > > when he saw the mirror...
> > > Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The
> > > cheat on the
> > > train
> > > has
> > > taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his
> > > knees and started
> > > thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your
> > > donkey is missing;
> > > what
> > > are you thanking God for ?" The sardarji replied "I
> > > am thanking Him
> > > for
> > > seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that
> > > time, otherwise
> > > I
> > > would have
> > > been missing too."
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the
> > > birth certificate
> > > "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come
> > > you write
> > > "Chinese"
> > > when both parents are Sikh?" " Aah, Sardarji read a
> > > newspaper, it
> > > says
> > > that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to
> > > the outer space
> > > ...
> > > The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (
> > > its the barking
> > > sound
> > > )
> > > "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
> > > "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
> > > "Sardarji!" "Woof."
> > > "Stop
> > > barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which
> > > has a Clock
> > > Tower
> > > when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on
> > > the Tower...
> > > Sardarji
> > > says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go
> > > get a ladder." The
> > > man
> > > took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for
> > > several hours
> > > the
> > > Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next
> > > day the Sardarji
> > > is again
> > > walking along the same
> > > street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a
> > > thousand
> > > rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives
> > > him the thousand
> > > and
> > > says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go
> > > get a ladder."
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
> > > Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They
> > > managed to get
> > > into
> > > a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to
> > > get a bottom
> > > seat,
> > > But
> > > unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a
> > > while when the rush
> > > was
> > > over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He
> > > met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in
> > > front with both
> > > hands,
> > > scared to death...
> > > He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin'
> > > on? Why are you so
> > > scared ? I
> > > was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta
> > > replies. "Yeah, but
> > > you've
> > > got
> > > a *driver.*"
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The
> > > doctor asked
> > > him
> > > what had happened to his ears and he answered, " Iwas
> > > ironing a shirt
> > > and
> > > the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone
> > > I accidentally
> > > picked
> > > up the iron and stuck it to my ear." " Oh Dear! " the doctor
> > > exclaimed
> > > in
> > > disbelief. "But ..what happened to your other ear?"
> > > "The scoundrel
> > > called
> > > back."
> > >
> > > * * * * * *
> > >
> > > ----- End of Sardarji's Encyplopaedia -----

A Few Jokes About Marriage

A couple returned from their honeymoon and it's obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong.

"Well," replied the man, "when we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom I put a $50 bill on the pillow without even thinking."

"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend.
"I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough. I'm sure she must realize that you've had some wild times before you were married.

The groom shook his head and said, "Yeah... but I don't know if I can get over the fact that she gave me $20 change!"

*****

A long time married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife suggested that they give it a try.

The skeptical husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too.

But she leaned over too far and fell into the well.

The husband was stunned for a while, but then smiled and said,
"Hey this shit really works!"

*****

A woman woke up and told her husband about her last night's dream.

"I was at an auction for penises. The big ones sold for $1,000 and the tiny ones for $10."

Husband: "What about one my size?"

Wife: "They didn't get a bid."

The husband wants revenge, so the next morning he tells his wife about his dream last night.

"I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight ones sold for $1,000 and the loose ones for $10."

Wife: "What about one my size?"

Husband: "That's where they held the auction."