Greedy at the peak

Cover Letters:

# "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

# "Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume."

# "I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt."

# "Please disregard the attached resume -- it is terribly out of date."

# "It's best for employers that I not work with people."

# "Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity."

# "If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope."

# "My fortune cookie said, 'Your next interview will result in a job' -- and I like your company in particular."

# "You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding candidate!"

# "I am sicking and entry-level position."

# "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

# "I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated."

# "I am relatively intelligent, obedient, and as loyal as a puppy."

# "Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all the others to heat your house."

# "I don't usually blow my own horn, but in this case, I will go right ahead and do so."

# "I need just enough money to have pizza every night."

# "My compensation should be at least equal to my age."

# "I'm submitting my resume to spite my lack of C++ and HTML experience."

# "My primary goal is to be recognized."

# "Below are the top 10 reasons to hire me."

# "My salary requirement is $34 per year."

# "I'll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan."

# "I am superior to anyone else you could hire."

# "I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I live."

# "Although I am seeking an accounting job, the fact that I have no actual experience in accounting may seem discouraging. However..."

# "I realize that my total lack of appropriate experience may concern those considering me for employment."

# "I worked here full-time there."

# "I'll starve without a job but don't feel you have to give me one."

# "You are privileged to receive my resume."
via[rw]

Resume Quotations

Resumes:

* "I am very detail-oreinted."

* "I have a bachelorette degree in computers."

* "Graduated in the top 66% of my class."

* "I worked as a Corporate Lesion."

* "Served as assistant sore manager."

* "Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel."

* "Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis."

* "Special skills: Thyping."

* "Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can make great lattes."

* "I can play well with others."

* "I have exhaustive experience in manufacturing."

* "Special skills: I've got a Ph.D. in human feelings."

* "My contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I had."

* "I eat computers for lunch."

* "I have used lots of software appilcations."

* "Objection: To utilize my skills in sales."

* "Experience: Watered, groomed, and fed the family dog for years."

* "Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job."

* "Previous experience: Self-employed -- a fiasco."

* "I am a pit bull when it comes to analysis."

* "I am the king of accounts payable reconciliation."

* "Work history: Bum. Abandoned belongings and led nomadic lifestyle."

* "I like slipping and sliding around behind the counter and controlling the temperature of the food."

* "Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately."

* "Reason for leaving last job: Bounty hunting was outlaw in my state."

* "My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend."

* "I love dancing and throwing parties."

* "I am quick at typing, about 25 words per minute."

* "I am a rabid typist."

* "Skills: Operated Pitney Bones machine."

* "Special Skills: Speak English."

* "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

* "Education: B.A. in Loberal Arts."

* "Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."

* "Education: College, August 1880 - May 1984."

* "Experience with: LBM-compatible computers."

* "Fortunately because of stress, worked in the cardiac intensive-care ward."

* "Typing Speed: 756 wpm."

* "Objectives: 10-year goal: Total obliteration of sales and federal income taxes and tax laws."

* "ONCE FOCUSED ON AN OBJECTIVE, I BELIEVE MYSELF TO HAVE AN UNDYING LUST FOR SUCCESS WITH ACCURACY AND EFFECIENCY."

* "AT ONE POINT IN TIME DURING [John Doe's] 28 YEARS ON THIS PLANET, HE WAS IN AN AUTOMOBILE ACCIDENT; WHICH PUT A FEW YEARS THERAPY, SOME 'ROLLERCOASTER' EMOTIONAL SOUL JOURNEYS, AND A WICKED JOB RESUME, WHICH MOST EMPLOYERS WOULD FROWN UPON, AROUND HIS PRESENT IDENTITY... TEN YEARS 'IN THE RUNNING'. HOWEVER, GIVEN THE PRESENT CASH FLOW, VIA. THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT, CONSISTENCY, BOTH PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY, HAVE BEEN REALIZED AND TOUCHED UPON OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS. ALL IN ALL, MY RELATIONSHIP WITH SOCIAL SECURITY BENEFITS IS GROWING NEAR END IN RESPONSE TO MY ACCUMULATED WORK HISTORY. HENCE, I SEE URGENCY, CLOSURE, SOME FEAR, STRONG DESIRE, AND MATURITY ALL WOVEN INTO THIS EXPRESSION OF ME, THE EMPLOYEE TO YOU, THE EMPLOYER."

* "Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable."

* "Personal Qualities: Outstanding worker; flexible 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year."

* "My experience in horticulture is well-rooted."

* "Work History: Performed brain wave tests, 1879-1981."

* "Extensive background in public accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

* "I perform my job with effortless efficiency, effectiveness, efficacy, and expertise."

* "Personal: Married 20 years; own a home, along with a friendly mortgage company."

* "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

* "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business."

* "Frequent Lecturer: Largest Audience: 1,351. Standing Ovations: 5. Number of Audience Questions: 30."

* "Interests: I like to workout in my free time. I enjoy listening to music. I love to shopping in new places."

* "Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."

* "Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math."

* "Personal Goal: To hand-build a classic cottage from the ground up using my father-in-law."
via[rw]

Excuse Letters

# My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."

# "Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot."

# "Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33."

# "Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."

# "Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip."

# "John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."

# "Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."

# "Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins."

# "Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side."

# "Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels."

# "Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak."

# "Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust."

# "Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault."

# "Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday."

# "Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral."

# "My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines."

# "Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well."

# "Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps."

# "Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover."

# "Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor."

# "Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever, and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night."
via[rw]

Courtroom Quotations

The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.


* Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
* Witness: "I only have one, you know."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Witness: "By death."
* Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"

The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
* Witness: "July 15th."
* Lawyer: "What year?"
* Witness: "Every year."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?"
* Witness: "There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet."
* Lawyer: "Can you identify the rifle?"
* Witness: "Yes. There was something written on the side of it."
* Lawyer: "And what did the writing say?"
* Witness: "'Winchester'!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
* Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
* Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
* Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
* Witness: "Er...his face."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
* Witness: "Yes."
* Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
* Witness: "I forget."
* Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
* Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
* Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
* Witness: "Forty-five years."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
* Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
* Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
* Witness: "My name is Susan."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
* Witness: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Did you blow your horn or anything?"
* Witness: "After the accident?"
* Lawyer: "Before the accident."
* Witness: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?"
* Witness: "Yes."
* Lawyer: "Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?"
* Witness: "Yes, sir."
* Lawyer: "What did she say?"
* Witness: "'What disco am I at?'"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
* Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
* Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
* Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "And you check your radar unit frequently?"
* Officer: "Yes, I do."
* Lawyer: "And was your radar unit functioning correctly at the time you had the plaintiff on radar?"
* Officer: "Yes, it was malfunctioning correctly."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "What happened then?"
* Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
* Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
* Witness: "No."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
* Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"

* Lawyer: "How long have you been a French Canadian?"

* Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
* Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"

* Lawyer: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
* Witness: "I went to Europe, sir."
* Lawyer: "And you took your new wife?"

* Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
* Witness: "That's me."
* Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"

* Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"

* Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
* Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
* Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
* Witness: "Yes."
* Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"

* Lawyer: "How many times have you committed suicide?"
* Witness: "Four times."

* Lawyer: "Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"

* Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
* Witness: "Yes."
* Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
* Witness: "None."
* Lawyer: "Were there girls?"

* Lawyer: "You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?"

* Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
* Witness: "Yes."
* Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

* Lawyer: "Have you lived in this town all your life?"
* Witness: "Not yet."

* Lawyer: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

* Lawyer: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?"
* Witness: "It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30pm."
* Lawyer: "And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time, is that correct?"

* Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
* Witness: "Borofkin."
* Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
* Witness: "I can't remember."
* Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
* Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
* Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
* Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
* Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
* Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
* Witness: "No."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?"
* Witness: "No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "What is your marital status?"
* Witness: "Fair."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Are you married?"
* Witness: "No, I'm divorced."
* Lawyer: "And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"
* Witness: "A lot of things I didn't know about."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "And who is this person you are speaking of?"
* Witness: "My ex-widow said it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?"
* Witness: "Well, a gal down the road had had several of her children by Dr. Cherney and said he was really good."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
* Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
* Witness: "Yes sir."
* Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
* Witness: "No. This is how I dress when I go to work."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* The Court: "Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Did he pick the dog up by the ears?"
* Witness: "No."
* Lawyer: "What was he doing with the dog's ears?"
* Witness: "Picking them up in the air."
* Lawyer: "Where was the dog at this time?"
* Witness: "Attached to the ears."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
* Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?"
* Witness: "Oral."
* Lawyer: "How old are you?"
* Witness: "Oral."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "What is your relationship with the plaintiff?"
* Witness: "She is my daughter."
* Lawyer: "Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
* Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
* Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?"
* Witness: "He didn't offer me nothing. He just said I could have the furniture."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?"
* Witness: "I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital."
* Lawyer: "It was covered?"
* Witness: "Yes, bandaged."
* Lawyer: "Then, later on...what did you see?"
* Witness: "I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
* Witness: "I could see his head."
* Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
* Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Do you drink when you're on duty?"
* Witness: "I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
* Witness: "The victim lived."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the fracas."
* Witness: "No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* Lawyer: "Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?"
* Witness: "Because he was argumentary, and he couldn't pronunciate his words."
via[rw]

How true?

I was born intelligent.Education ruined me

GOOG SOH

Google has a sense of humor

the answer to life the universe and everything

Take a closer look..what do u see?

Take a closer look..what do u see?



This isn't meant to hurt anyone

Creative Advertising

Advertising Helps companies to market the products efficiently
people remember advertisements only when they are funny and creative
Besides investing millions of rupees on celebrities to endorse their product..,it would be fat better if the advertising is creative
Read on!!

this post is a header of 5 posts:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

creative advertising--Part5

 
This is a creative ad by Mini Cooper placed at the Zurich, Switzerland train station. It gives the perception that the Mini Cooper has a large space.

 

creative advertising--Part4

 
This is an advertisement found in Vancouver during the National Non-Smoking Week. The car was placed at the Vancouver Art Gallery and the message reads 'Death from car accidents: 370, Death from smoking-related causes: 6,027, Quit now before it kills you.'

 
Life size images were stuck on glass doors at shops, airports in South Africa for the advertisement of glass and window cleaner I.C.U. The expression on the face is priceless.


 
Another creative idea by The Fitness Company. Heavy Weights were placed at various subways in New York City which creates an illusion that the person holding the safety bar is doing weights.
 
A very cost-effective advertisement in Hong Kong for a yoga school. It showcases the prowess of a yoga practitioner on the flexible stems of drink straws. A surge of enquiries and enrollment went after up this promotional stunt.

creative advertising--Part3

 
A giant mirror was built that allowed passersby to stop and look at themselves wearing Indivi clothes at a shopping mall in Tokyo, Japan

 
An advertisement for a job recruiting company in Berlin, Germany. Depicting people working in the vending machines, ATMs, it delivers the message that 'Life is too short for the wrong job'.

 
Stickers were placed in selected car park locations and car workshops where the product is sold in Malaysia. It delivers the message that M-Tech Plasma HID Lights are 300% brighter than regular headlights. The burn effect sticker from the headlights really leaves an impression.

 
This controversial idea was done in Dubai by Sandeep Fernandes and Husen Baba Khan for the male deodorant, Axe. The mouse pad that every guy needs.

Creative Advertising--Part2

 
Life-size stickers of people were stuck on automatic sliding doors at a mall in Mumbai, India. When someone approaches the doors move apart and it feels like the people on the door are moving away. The person enters to find the message 'People Move Away When You Have Body Odour'.

 
A sticker has been placed on the high voltage box depicting that Duracell's batteries were used. Cool advertisement found in Malaysia.

 
An ambient exercise to promote Eatalica burgers. A 'Caution Wet Floor' board was placed near an Eatalica burger signboard. The copy on the board reads 'Oogling at the burger may involuntarily cause drooling which may in turn lead to a wet floor. Issued for your safety by the management of Eatalica restaurant'. Eatalica is an American-Italian Food Joint in Chennai, India.

 
A life size sticker for the horror movie 'The Maid' in Singapore placed near the toilet round the corner. The kind of advertisement that makes you pee in your pants.
via[hemmy]

Creative Advertising--Part1

An advertisement by Jung von Matt/Alster for watchmaker IWC. Bus straps have been fashioned from images of IWC's Big Pilot's Watch to allow bus travelers near the airport to try before they buy at Berlin, Germany. 16 more advertisements after the jump.


A print of a cup of Folgers coffee was placed on top of manhole covers in New York City, USA. Holes on the print allows the steam to come out. Wordings around the cup reads 'Hey, City That Never Sleeps. Wake up." from Folgers.



An innovative idea on a large billboard in Amsterdam, Netherlands. It really makes you want that 'Heineken'.



This is a great advertisement campaign at Unicenter Shopping Mall in Buenos Aires, Argentina for Valentine's Day. It magnifies the romantic ambiance with a simple idea.

The 5 Toughest Questions a Woman Can Ask a Man

The questions are:

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

1. Baseball.
2. Football.
3. How fat you are.
4. How much prettier she is than you.
5. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

Question # 2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:

1. I suppose so.
2. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
3. That depends on what you mean by love.
4. Does it matter?
5. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:

1. Compared to what?
2. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
3. A little extra weight looks good on you.
4. I've seen fatter.
5. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:

1. Yes, but you have a better personality
2. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
3. Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
4. Define 'pretty'
5. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question #5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")

No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

She....Would you get married again?
He.....Definitely not!
She....Why not - don't you like being married?
He.....Of course I do.
She....Then why wouldn't you remarry?
He.....Okay, I'd get married again.
She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
He.....Yes, I would.
She....Would you sleep with her in our bed?
He.....Where else would we sleep?
She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.
She....And would you let her use my golf clubs?
He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.
via[pt]

Worst Burglar Ever

the title says it all...

Fun with clouds

fun with clouds

Cone Crazy[Game]

40 Things That Only Happen In Movies

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.

2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.

4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.

6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.

9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.

10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).

12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).

13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard . . .

15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).

16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).

17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.

18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.

19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.

20. All single women have a cat.

21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.

22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighborhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.

27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

28. It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello? Hello?" repeatedly.

29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it's called Stallone's Law).

30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.

31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.

32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.

33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.

34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.

38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.

39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).

40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!).
via[nc]

Amazing Tree--Hut Look Alike

Kawasaki Ninza

Kawasaki Ninza Home made ;)

Glasswing Butterfly(Transparent Wings)

Glasswing Butterfly(Greta Oto) is a brush-footed butterfly where its wings are transparent. The tissue between the veins of its wings looks like glass. They are found in the range which extends throughout Central America into Mexico. 10 more pics after the jump.























via [hemmy.net]

Ironic Quotations

If only they had known...A selection of quotes from people that were far from clairvoyant.


"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
--Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
--Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
--The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

"But what ... is it good for?"
--Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
--Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
--Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
--David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."
--A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
--H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper."
--Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."
--Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
--Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
--Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this."
--Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we' ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'"
--Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools."
--1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary rocket work.

"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training."
--Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable" problem by inventing Nautilus.

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy."
--Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
--Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
--Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
--Charles H. Duel

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction".
--Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon".
--Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.

(And of course, the most famous one...)

"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
-- Bill Gates, 1981

via[moronland.net]

Famous MugShots

Bill Gates, Chairman and CEO of Microsoft, and the richest man in the world at over $50 Billion net worth, arrested in New Mexico 1977.

Michael Jackson was photographed by the Santa Barbara County Sheriff's office following his November 2003 arrest for child molestation. The 45-year-old "King of Pop" was released after posting $3 million bail.


Backstreet Boy Nick Carter was arrested by California cops in March 2005 and charged with drunk driving. The 25-year-old singer was pulled over at about 7:30 PM for a traffic violation and was determined to be drunk during questioning by police. After failing a field sobriety test, Carter was booked into the Huntington Beach City Jail and released after four hours in custody. Carter was issued a citation and, according to a police spokesman, officers are determining whether to file additional charges against the performer.


Rapper 50 Cent (aka Curtis Jackson) was photographed in August 1994 while serving time in a New York State Department of Correctional Services shock incarceration program. 50, then 19, had pleaded guilty to felony charges of peddling heroin and crack cocaine.

New Age musician Yanni was arrested in March 2006 by Florida cops and charged with domestic abuse after allegedly tussling with his live-in girlfriend. The 51-year-old pianist (given name: John Yanni Christopher), allegedly struck the woman after ordering her to move out of his waterfront mansion. According to a Manalapan Police Department report, the musician also dished out some verbal abused, calling the woman a "cunt," "whore," and "garbage." Cops noted in their report that the woman's upper lip was swollen and split open and that there was a small amount of dried blood on her lower lip as well as redness on both her forearms. Yanni, who denied striking her, spent about 11 hours in the Palm Beach County jail, where he posed for the below mug shot.


This mug shot of Mel Gibson was taken following the Hollywood star's slur-spewing drunk driving bust in July 2006. Considering some of the booking photos previously snapped by Los Angeles sheriff's deputies, the 50-year-old actor looks downright dapper.



Vince Vaughn was arrested by North Carolina cops in April 2001 and charged with fighting in public for his part in a brawl outside a New Hanover County bar (the movie star was in town working on the film "Domestic Disturbance"). During the melee, fellow actor Steve Buscemi was stabbed several times. Vaughn entered a no contest plea and the minor charge was dropped six months later.


Matthew McConaughey was arrested by Austin, Texas police in October 1999 and charged with possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia after a neighbor called to complain about music blaring from the actor's crib. When cops arrived, they found McConaughey dancing around in the buff and playing bongo drums. The drug charges against McConaughey were eventually dropped, though the star did plead guilty to violating Austin's noise ordinance, for which he paid a $50 fine.




Hugh Grant was arrested June 27, 1995 for his solicitation of Divine Brown's oral services




Rhode Island Mugshot from Al Pacino's January 7, 1961 arrest for carrying a concealed weapon. Pacino, aged 21 and living in New York City, stayed in jail for three days. The three occupants of the car at the time were all wearing black masks and gloves, and had been seen by police circling their vehicle in a suspicious manner.



Arrested for DUI on May 5, 1993 in Los Angeles.



Musician Marilyn Manson




Tara Patrick (aka Carmen Electra) was arrested by Miami Beach police in November 1999 and charged with battering her husband, former NBA star Dennis Rodman. However, charges against the "Baywatch" star were eventually dropped.



Taken from [Mug Shots] and [Mug]